BAGHDAD - The mystery of who unleashed a dangerous threat upon the world came one step closer to being solved, as ISIS released a video claiming responsibility for Meghan Markle's new Netflix lifestyle show.
The terrorist group known as the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria took credit this week in a short online video statement sent to multiple news organizations. Though the content of the video was chilling, international anti-terrorism experts agreed that the video was much more engaging and better edited than the Duchess of Sussex's Netflix program.
"We have given you a taste of pain. We are prepared to release more," a masked ISIS fighter said in the disturbing video. "To America, Israel, and all other infidels occupying the lands of Islam, the horror of Markle awaits you."
Sources within the Central Intelligence Agency confirmed that the video was genuine and that the United States considered it an ongoing threat.
"Our analysts are closely monitoring this developing situation," said CIA spokesperson Bill Schafer. "Our top priority right now is investigating how this assault on American values was carried out and preventing any follow-up attacks by picking up any clues we can find. Unfortunately, this likely means that someone here is going to have to actually watch the show."
At publishing time, the CIA advised all Americans to remain alert and avoid large gatherings as they could be targets for ISIS to attack with more videos of Meghan Markle making spaghetti with one of her celebrity friends.
Under a new presidential order, posting in support of Ukraine will automatically draft you into the military.
