AFRICA — A perky, bright-eyed group of African kids was recently disappointed to receive a bunch of overstock "Harris-Walz" hats along with their shipment of New York Yankees World Championship shirts from America.
According to several kids from the group, the American attempt at charity came off as a tacky, rude gesture.
"We want cool clothes, not this off-hand junk from losers," said Azibo Habiba, a 12-year-old. "We don't like to wear the shirts and caps from teams that get losses in big blowouts. Where are all the ones from the cool teams? Teams that squander a 5-0 lead are bad. These are just stupid advertisements for sad failures. And that one man who kept waving his hands like some kind of idiot...we don't want his name anywhere near us."
Sources say the Harris campaign has been desperate to offload the hats as they had purchased $48 million worth of them for some reason.
At publishing time, the kids were further disappointed to receive a shipment of "Kelce+Swift" crossover merch.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
