MIAMI, FL — In light of last weekend's string of "No King" protests, the Burger King Corporation has resolved to change its name to Burger Democratically Elected Leader.
"We don't believe in kings in America, which is why we have decided to rename our burger restaurants after democracy instead," said CEO of Burger King Corporation Tim Burger. "We are sorry that our company's name has been used to spread pro-monarchist feelings throughout the country."
Protestors are reportedly appreciative of the show of solidarity by the fast food titan, even if it's not the result they were looking for. "We were kind of hoping Trump would suddenly cease to exist, but I'll take a new name for Burger King," said unemployed protestor and body-positive activist Barb Farnsworth.
Conservative personalities blasted the move as a needless capitulation to the "woke mob."
"It's 2025, and we don't need to bow to wokeness anymore," protested Daily Wire personality Ben Shapiro. "Besides, we are not a democracy, gang. Burger King should've been renamed to 'Burger Constitutional Republic' instead."
The White House declined to comment, citing an allegiance to McDonald's.
At publishing time, Burger Democratically Elected Leader had been overthrown via a hostile takeover from Burger Puppet Dictator.
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