U.S. — Experts predicted that today would go down as a historic day, as Kamala Harris became the first black woman to destroy the world economy.

The achievement was the first of its kind, with members of the media and prominent political leaders all hailing it as an impressive step forward in the pursuit of equality and the advancement of women of color.

"It's a day for the history books, folks," said President Joe Biden. "Not only is Kamala the first… the first… black… the first black… president of the… president, but she is now the first black woman to completely wipe out the global economy. Old white guys like me have been doing it for years, but now she's breaking all the barriers. The idea… the idea... that a colored broad from… Jamaica… India… wherever the place… it's big stuff, folks. I'm proud to have been serving as her vice president of Delaware for the last four years. And now, this November… harbinzifarginator."

Harris's presidential campaign released a statement from the vice president on the achievement: "It is a great honor to be honored," Harris said. "To be the first anything to do anything is something. And by doing something, something is done. The word ‘something' means ‘some' and ‘thing,' which is what I have now done. And that is something."

At publishing time, insiders said Harris, if elected, would likely look to continue leaving a path of destruction until she would go down in history books as the first and only woman of color to preside over the end of human civilization.

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