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Hillary Clinton To Give Keynote Speech On Winning Elections

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Hillary Clinton has been hired to give a keynote speech. The topic? Winning elections.

The Election Victory Conference is held every year, and they hire experts who have all won elections. This year they've picked Hillary Clinton. Although she hasn't actually won elections, she does feel like she won. She did win the popular vote, though unfortunately, that's not how you win the overall election.

"We want our conference attendees to hear from the expert on this," said one organizer. "Who better than Hillary Clinton? She's a real winner."

"Well, not in the factual sense, but definitely in the moral sense," he quickly added.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that next month she will speak on how to change your accent on the fly to match your audience.

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