PARIS — Algerian boxer and Olympic gold medalist Imane Khelif claimed today to be the victim of bullying, all while holding a woman in a headlock and punching her repeatedly in the face.
"Help, help! I'm being bullied!" yelled Khelif, as he viciously punched away at a woman's nose, sending blood spraying across the canvas. "Won't somebody stand up against all this bullying?"
According to his lawyers, Khelif has filed multiple lawsuits, suing several people for being mean about his pummeling women with his fists. "I'm getting bullied by bigots online! Won't someone see who the real victim is here?" cried Khelif, continuing to bash a woman's skull.
"Somebody do me justice please! Bully alert, bully alert!"
Despite Khelif's pleas, several people sitting ringside were reportedly unmoved. "I don't know why, I'm just having a hard time seeing how the guy crunching a woman's skull is the victim here," said observer Francois Dubois. "It's a bit confusing is all. I'm sure it's hard being intersex, or whatever exactly Khelif is...but isn't there some other occupation he could do besides punching women?"
At publishing time, Imane Khelif had vowed to keep punching women in the face until the bullying stopped.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
