COLUMBUS, OH - Now this is health-conscious parenting: Maria Walter of Columbus, Ohio told her boy Cody that he wasn't allowed to have any ice cream or candy until he ate all 1200 calories of his McDonald's Quarter Pounder with cheese meal accompanied with a large fry and Coke.
"Cody, you need to finish your Quarter Pounder and all of your fries before you get a treat," his mother said as he scarfed down the meal large enough to meet the nutritional needs of a small African country for a week. "Our tummies need to be full of grease and sugary substances before we can treat ourselves to a sugary dessert."
"Lots of parents don't care if their kids eat sugary snacks all day," Walter told reporters. "But not me. I'm always involved in little Cody's diet, making sure he finishes one or two Quarter Pounders before he even thinks about getting a sweet."
At dinner that night, Cody was told to finish at least three slices of pizza before he would be able to scarf down one of those giant, two-foot-long Pixie Sticks he had left over from Halloween.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.