U.S. — One of the world's most revered musical geniuses was heard from for the first time in nearly two centuries, as the ghost of Ludwig van Beethoven expressed tremendous joy after hearing his magnum opus being used in a toothpaste commercial.
The ethereal specter of the world-renowned composer materialized in the Midtown Manhattan headquarters of Colgate-Palmolive — far from his final resting place of Vienna, Austria — to let the executives behind the Colgate Triple Action toothpaste line know how satisfied and overjoyed he was to hear his third symphony, "Eroica," on a televised advertisement.
"This is precisely what I dreamed of when I wrote it," Beethoven's wispy spiritual projection reportedly said. "I received so much adulation and acclaim during my life for the transcendent symphonic work I created, but all I could think of back then was, ‘I sure hope someone uses this music to shill oral hygiene products someday in the future.' You have finally, mercifully, made my existence mean something. I thank you, dear sirs, from the bottom of my long-deceased and decayed heart."
Historians confirmed that Beethoven had long hoped to have his compositions used for consumer product advertisements, but he sadly died roughly 100 years before the invention of television. "He can finally rest in peace knowing that his life's work is being used properly," said Beethoven biographer Dr. Harold Hammerstien. "Forget all the times his symphonies have been conducted and performed in the most hallowed concert halls around the world — he wanted a toothpaste commercial. I'm just glad his ghost was able to hear it."
At publishing time, Beethoven's ghost confirmed that he was still holding out hope to realize his second-biggest dream of having his music used in a televised ad for Dyson vacuums.
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