BERLIN — As part of their 5-day weather forecast, German meteorologists have started to incorporate the likelihood of being run down by a crazed Jihadist.
Due to frequent attacks in which radical Islamic terrorists used vehicles to mow down innocent bystanders, weather services decided it was time to let people know the odds of it happening to them each day.
"Brrr! It's going to be a blistery one out there today, folks!" weatherman Donner Sturm said during a February 13 broadcast. "So bundle up out there and avoid open-air markets because there's a 73% chance of being run over by a Middle Eastern refugee!"
Experts noted that morning news banter has evolved considerably in recent years, with programs now informing Germans on local news, weather, and the chance of being run over by a Muslim.
After Chancellor Angela Merkel instituted an open-door policy following the breakout of the Syrian War in 2015, the country grew so full of migrants that it became possible for meteorologists to predict when they would strike with the same accuracy they have in predicting the next rainfall.
"As we can see over here," said a meteorologist during one broadcast as he stood in front of a large map, "an influx of refugees coming up from the South may interact with Ukrainian refugees from the East, leading to a high-pressure zone. This will increase our chances of people being run over by a Jihadist later in the afternoon."
At publishing time, Germans were still being run over regularly because meteorologists were found to be wrong most of the time.
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