WASHINGTON, D.C. — Organizers of America's Freedom 250 celebration announced Thursday that the event has been streamlined to consist entirely of Lee Greenwood singing "God Bless the U.S.A." for 24 hours straight.
"After months of back and forth, with artists dropping in and out, we didn't know how it would all come together," said event coordinator Blake Madsen. "The only thing we knew was that the highlight, the big climax, would of course be Lee Greenwood. Then somebody said, 'Wait a second. What if Lee Greenwood just kept singing? What if he never stopped?' We realized we'd struck gold."
According to officials, the festivities will begin at dawn with Greenwood singing, "If tomorrow all the things were gone…" and will conclude the following dawn with Greenwood still singing, "If tomorrow all the things were gone…"
The program will feature no intermissions, though organizers confirmed Greenwood will be allowed to hydrate during the guitar solo. The Department of Defense confirmed that every time Greenwood reaches the key change, an F-35 will conduct a low-altitude flyover, with the military estimating an approximate 361 flyovers by the time the day is done.
At publishing time, organizers had announced that Kid Rock would be allowed to fill in if Mr. Greenwood suffered a medical event.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
