FDA Says Pfizer Vaccine Is Harmless To Humans, COVID
Health

SILVER SPRING, MD—After some concern from the general public around the FDA's approval of the Pfizer vaccine, the FDA released a statement today confirming that the vaccine is perfectly safe and will not harm humans or viruses. 

"Yeah, this thing is perfectly benign—it wouldn't hurt a fly," said FDA Commissioner Stephen Hahn to the press. "You could inject this stuff all day and nothing would happen! Although, we do recommend injecting this stuff as often as humanly possible. Can't hurt, right?" 

Experts say that although the vaccine doesn't prevent transmission or infection from the virus, especially the Delta version, it does do something, they just can't remember what it was. 

Other health experts reminded the public that the vaccine can indeed lessen symptoms and keep you out of the hospital, but it will only do so if you get regular booster shots and new variant shots for the rest of your life.

"Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it," said Hahn. "Since the vaccine is literally the only thing that can protect you from COVID or keep you healthy, I recommend you just keep getting it forever. After all, it's harmless!" 

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