SILVER SPRING, MD — In an attempt to comply with new policies being implemented by Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the Food and Drug Administration announced today that it was now recommending 6-11 servings of microplastics every day for growing children.
With early nutrition playing such a significant role in a child's development, experts at the FDA agreed that an ideal diet should include no less than 6 servings of a mixed variety of microplastics in all food and beverages.
"These are the building blocks for the kind of life we want kids to have," said FDA spokesman Hal Borensen. "A diet free of microplastics is a diet that is sorely lacking in substances that can provide the pathway to gastrointestinal issues, infertility, and chromosomal abnormalities we want to see in every American. With that in light, we have created a pyramid diagram to reflect our recommendations to include a healthy amount of microplastics with each meal. An America contaminated with microplastics is a bright future."
Scientists agree that microplastics from discarded water bottles, clothing fibers, cosmetics, and other garbage are a growing problem for human health, making it even more urgent for the FDA to regulate their consumption. "Our allies in the pharmaceutical industry have stressed to us that this is an emergency," said Dr. Grant Randa, who worked with the FDA to develop the recommendation. "Children growing up without consuming enough microplastics run the risk of living lives free from chronic illnesses and disease. It's our job to keep that from happening."
At publishing time, the FDA also stressed the importance of drinking at least 8 ounces of seed oil before bed.
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