WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, the investigation into the assassination of Charlie Kirk is on hold while federal agents are currently deliberating whether or not to investigate a Discord channel called "Tranny Terrorist Murder Planning Committee".
Agents are reportedly divided as to its value, with some maintaining it could hold key evidence and others simply saying "ew."
"I mean, it seems important to take a look at it, I'll give you that," Special Agent David Richardson told colleagues in a tense 3-hour meeting. "But it might also be really gross and weird. We didn't train for that."
Special Agent Margaret Pen disagreed. "I know it's gross, but we have to do whatever it takes. It's literally called Tranny Terrorist Murder Planning Committee. It's very possible they might be terrorists planning murder."
Meanwhile, FBI Director Kash Patel has called on his agents to pursue any and all leads, even if they lead them to creepy Discord channels. "I am determined to throw as many agents at those furries as it takes to get to the truth," Patel said. "As long as I don't have to look at it myself. It's too icky."
At publishing time, federal agents utilized AI to examine the Discord channel themselves and report on any possible accomplices so they wouldn't have to.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
