MENLO PARK, CA - An update to Facebook went live overnight that removes all text fields and replaces them with a simple dropdown menu of approved things you can say. The change has been praised by users who all posted "I like Facebook. Can't wait for the Metaverse."
In the never-ending quest to end disinformation and encourage good vibes, Facebook has carefully curated dozens of canned phrases including, but not limited to:
- Check out this selfie, fellow human.
- The vaccine is safe and effective.
- Black Lives Matter, friend.
- Here are some baby pictures, friend.
- My dog is my best friend, friend.
- I'm just chilling at home. Here come the beverages!
- We must seize the means of production for the proletariat.
A spokesperson for Meta confirmed this is step one of an innovative new plan to gradually get people tired of Facebook and push them into the Metaverse no one is excited about.
"The plan is that all Facebook users will be in the Metaverse. Human beings not on Facebook currently will be in the next phase of the plan when we dispatch our security team," said the Meta representative.
At publishing time, the site was updated again to remove the posting of memes and sharing of links, which users were doing in lieu of selecting a canned text message.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
