Health
Experts Warn Further Lockdowns Could Result In More Taylor Swift Albums

U.S.—Experts are warning against another deadly side effect of lockdowns, as a correlation has been found between stay-at-home orders and Taylor Swift making new albums.

While Swift has released two new albums over the past five months, experts believe her rate of album release may be growing exponentially, which could result in a disastrous outcome for America.

"We believe even another three months of lockdowns could be devastating, with Swift releasing at least seventeen more albums in that time frame," said Dr. Carson Paul of MIT. "The data is clear: we must end the lockdowns to prevent this from happening."

Experts have also found that lockdowns could increase the chances of celebrities releasing another "Imagine" cover, or perhaps something even worse.

"The worst-case scenario, of course, is that Swift releases a new album, and bored celebrities immediately release a cover of the song," said Paul. "There is no coming back from that for humanity -- a real resonance cascade scenario that could end in catastrophe for Western civilization."

There are 38 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.