DEARY, ID — Marriage experts now confirm that a husband reminding his wife that the Bible says she should submit to him leads to the happiest marriages.
"The science is settled," said an elated group of marriage researchers in lab coats as they exited the marriage laboratory. "Every single time we ran the simulation where a man reminded a woman that it is her place to submit to him as the head of the home, marital bliss and happiness inevitably followed."
This team of crack marriage researchers had been working around the clock to crack the code and figure out how men and women can live together in blessed harmony. They ran experiment after experiment and now believe that the results are incontrovertible.
"This really is incredible," said world-famous unmarried woman expert Ben Tennant while changing to another slide on his microscope. "It looks here like the only other thing a husband can do to ensure happiness in the marriage is to bark out commands like, ‘Make me a sandwich' or ‘Calm down'. Our initial results indicate that it's all about the tone of voice the man uses. Be confident and authoritative. She will instantly respect you and be glad to have such a strong man leading her home."
"It really is good to be a man," the statement from the marriage researchers concluded.
At publishing time, the marriage experts were experiencing a sandwich shortage in the marriage laboratory which they assured reporters was a temporary setback.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.