MUNICH, DE — Following Vice President J.D. Vance's speech condemning Europe for failing to do its part alongside America to protect democratic ideals, European leaders vowed they would exact revenge on the Trump Administration by paying their own bills for security and energy.
"We will not get pushed around by this American Vice President with his steely blue eyes and strong words," French parliament member Francios Bernard told the press. "We will fight American oppression by cutting them off from NATO and paying our own military, defense, and humanitarian aid bills. Now who is the one laughing?"
Many other representatives from the European Union issued similar statements over the weekend. French President Emmanuel Macron derided Vance for his scathing rebuke of Europe and promised to finally start paying for their own way on the national stage.
"We will not get talked down to any longer by the country we've allowed to pay all of our foreign defense bills," Macron said. "We will show President Trump who is boss. From here on out, no more free American dollars coming into France on my watch!"
Trump issued his own statement that read "Good."
At publishing time, Europe also vowed to retaliate against the U.S. by halting exports of those chocolate Kinder Eggs.
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