EGYPT — Zaphenath-paneah, also called Joseph, successfully rescued the land from the grip of severe famine this week after wisely advising Pharaoh to stock up on emergency food buckets from My Patriot Supply.
As second only to Pharaoh himself, Joseph was given charge over the royal accounts so he could procure products from the conservative food supply provider ahead of an expected seven-year famine.
According to sources, Pharaoh had two bizarre dreams that turned out to be visions of a coming famine — a famine Joseph interpreted as being solved by My Patriot Supply. So he quickly assembled Pharaoh's servants, using them to build something called an Internet so he could order emergency food supplies from somewhere "online."
"My Patriot Supply is the original and largest 'patriot' survival company," said Joseph. "Without them, we'd be stuck storing grain in silos, and that's a lot of extra work."
What's more, enough product was secured that Egypt would be able to turn around and sell the excess to the nations of the world, thereby growing Egypt's economy.
"We're going to be much better off than before the famine," Pharaoh assured the public. "So well off, in fact, that I might build a cool little cat statue with a human head on it. Wouldn't that be neat?"
At publishing time, Joseph's brothers had arrived in Egypt in search of My Patriot Supply emergency food buckets but were detained after they could not remember promo code COAT OF MANY COLORS.
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