U.S. — American economists warned the public on Tuesday that the entire global economic system depends entirely on "like two or three guys" at Nvidia who understand how computers work.
"The world literally hangs on a thread. Our entire economy is pretty much just computer chips at this point, and those two guys are the only ones who know how they work," said Dr. Pierre Yarded, acting chair of the Council of Economic Advisers, which advises the president on matters of economic policy. "If anyone at Nvidia dies, the entire system will collapse."
"I haven't the slightest idea how my computer works; I just use it to make PowerPoint presentations," said Nvidia CEO Bob Computer. "But please don't tell Steve and Tim how important they are to the continued survival of modern civilization, or I'll have to give them a raise."
According to experts, if two or so guys at Nvidia were to suddenly quit, the global stock market would crash, leading to a worldwide great depression like the world has never seen. Commercial jets would fall out of the sky, elevators would plummet, and human progress would revert to the dark ages. "Cars would explode, and I would not be able to play the new Resident Evil game," warned Dr. Yarded. "It'd be awful."
At publishing time, Nvidia executives breathed a sigh of relief after discovering several billion more computer experts in India.
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