U.S. — Doug Emhoff boasted today that he could literally slap a woman in the middle of 5th Avenue and he wouldn't lose any votes for his wife, Kamala.
"I can just slap a woman in the face, right in public, and they'll still love me," said Emhoff. "I'm the icon of masculinity, haven't you heard?"
Emhoff went further, bragging he could have an affair, impregnate a nanny, force her to have an abortion, and the media would still praise him as a paragon of virtue. "Women, you can slap them, knock them up, they just let you do it," laughed Emhoff. "The journalists, the Democrat voters, they love me. I'll go right in the middle of New York and just deck a woman in the middle of street, and the 'party of women' will sing my praises."
According to sources, Emhoff has decided to try to push the envelope of what he can get away with, just for fun. "Listen here, Donald Trump. No one beats Kamala except for me," said Emhoff, cackling. "I'll smack her around right here, and you liberals will still bow down to me! Mwahaha!"
At publishing time, the media was explaining how Emhoff's words were "just locker room talk."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
