U.S. — Elon Musk confirmed Tuesday that the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has uncovered a secret government project where scientists kept a genetically modified black hedgehog alive in a secure facility.
The black hedgehog, said to be the "Ultimate Life Form" is allegedly an immortal being that may help researchers find a way to cure terminal illnesses such as cancer. The hedgehog has reportedly been engineered with super speed, near-invulnerability, and chaos control powers that allow him to manipulate time and space. He can also hold a gun and ride a motorcycle.
"This is all routine cancer research," insisted Congressman Jim McGovern, a representative from Massachusetts. "The mere fact that Elon Musk is questioning its validity is a constitutional crisis. America will not survive without the 'Ultimate Life Form.'"
Musk has recommended the hedgehog, also known as Shadow, be kept in a cryogenic chamber at Guantanamo Bay until DOGE deems it viable for continued research.
At publishing time, with the approval of the president, Elon Musk shut down the Ultimate Life Form Project, citing the hedgehog's intense anger and desire for vengeance as a national security risk. He also pointed out how Shadow could run faster than the motorcycle he was riding. "Why is he even riding that thing? It's totally inefficient," said Musk.
As the immigration debate rages on, Democrats are now ringing alarm bells as thousands of child traffickers are out of work.
