ANAHEIM, CA - Visitors to Disneyland will no longer be able to experience animatronic Russian children singing in harmony with the rest of the world when "It's A Small World" re-opens on Monday. The Disneyland attraction has reportedly gone under the knife to have all references to Russia removed in a show of support for Ukraine.
Poverty-stricken Annual Pass holders got an early preview of the ride in which they noted "nothing seems all that different. It's still okay to go on when it's hot, I guess."
Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was informed of Disney's bold change. According to sources, he was about to surrender to Russian forces until he learned that fake Russian children were no longer present at Disneyland.
"Thank you, Disney," said Zelenskyy in a video released by the Ukrainian National News Agency. "Your bold stance against Russia is like a nuclear blast in all our hearts. Maybe not as useful, but still kind of good."
"If I live through this bloody war I may visit this Land of Disney."
At publishing time, the "It's a Small World" ride was shut down when a child jumped off one of the boats and became stranded in Holland. The parents were thankful no Russian machines were present to crush their child with a mechanical death grip.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
