An article gifted to the Bee from subscribers JBaker, Chesterton's Fence, and SlightlyDesperateHousewife. Read at your own risk.

STILLWATER, OK—After Wednesday's announcement that the Bee writers were going on a retreat, Clark Sanders immediately began to fear for his sanity.  

Jen, Clark’s wife, was worried too.  “I found him walking aimlessly through the house mumbling “First!..haha...Last!...Nobody?” she said. I had no idea what was wrong until he lifted his fists to the sky and yelled, “Kyle, Ethan why hast thou abandoned me?”  

Clark’s wife was almost at her wit's end but finally was able to coax him back to his computer to search for another satire site.