U.S.—Democratic leaders across the country have called on Trump to take responsibility for his part in the sinking of the Titanic, which occurred in April of 1912.
"Until Trump admits that his hateful rhetoric led to this horrible tragedy, we will not be able to heal as a nation," said Rep. Adam Schiff of California. "We must get to the root causes of nautical disasters like this one, and we all know what the main root cause is: Donald J. Trump."
Leaders on the left pointed out that Trump and the right have typically been skeptical of climate change, which may have caused the iceberg that hit the Titanic to break off a glacier, dooming the vessel. They also suggested that Trump's hate and hubris reached back in time and inspired the builders of the Titanic to create such a faulty design with not enough lifeboats.
"In the age of Trump, even our early 20th century shipbuilders aren't immune to his brand of arrogance and hate," said Beto O'Rourke.
Dems also called on Trump to admit he had a hand in the creation of New Coke, the Cuban Missile Crisis, and the hateful fearmongering that led to the rise of Jack the Ripper.
"Basically, all murders, all hate, all injustices since the dawn of time can be laid at Trump's feet," said Cory Booker, who is a senator in our timeline. "I am Spartacus!" He then added that Trump was also responsible for the murder of Spartacus.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.