WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the nation abuzz following the announcement that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy will be leading a Department of Government Efficiency to trim wasteful spending, Democrats expressed worries that if the government became more efficient, they'd be forced to light giant piles of money on fire on their own.
Fears arose after President-Elect Trump revealed that, at the helm of DOGE, Musk and Ramaswamy would be unleashed to eliminate vast swaths of the federal bureaucracy, leaving government officials confronted with the reality that they would have to find new ways to completely waste trillions of dollars each year.
"It takes a lot of work to waste this much money," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "If Trump appoints these jerks to come in and wipe out entire government agencies and departments, how will we be able to burn through trillions of taxpayer dollars like we're accustomed to? Are we supposed to just build huge bonfires in our backyards to set the money on fire? That's the government's job, not ours."
Other Democrats echoed Schumer's sentiments. "Government is not the place for efficiency," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "Decades have been spent constructing enormous, bloated institutions to waste everyone's time and money. Getting rid of all of that would leave us no choice but to work hard to burn the cash ourselves. None of us are used to working."
At publishing time, bureaucrats had warned that if Trump fired them, they may be forced to do nothing and be useless at a corner bus stop instead of D.C.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
