WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats desperately grasping at straws to find grounds to impeach and convict Trump announced Tuesday they are now regretting banning plastic straws.
"We started grasping for straws but suddenly realized we had banned them a while back," a downcast Nancy Pelosi told reporters. "We really should have seen this coming."
Many congresspeople keep straws on hand for the express purpose of grasping at them. They get them out when they really don't like a politician on the other side of the aisle and need to find something to condemn him or her for. Sadly, the Democrats banned their straws a while back for using harmful plastics and now have nothing to grasp for.
The Democratic leaders tried to reach for paper straws instead, but they instantly crumbled into a fine powder.