U.S. — Democrats explained to the ignorant Young Republicans that hateful messages aren't meant to be written in text messages, but engraved on bullets.
In the wake of a text message leak revealing that several Young Republicans used derogatory slurs and joked about violence, Democrats were left aghast that the words were not carved into ammunition and fired at political opponents.
"Absolute idiots," declared local Democrat Dean Barlow. "Why on earth would you write something like that in a text? You always, always engrave that stuff on a bullet and then murder someone with it. It's politics 101. Total amateur hour over there."
In a gesture of goodwill, several Young Democrats organizations have reached out to offer the Young Republicans lessons in how to engrave lettering into bullets. "This is not about left versus right. This is about getting hate speech out of the public sphere and onto high-powered ammunition," explained Young Democrat chapter President Betsy Little. "Engraving messages onto bullet casings isn't as easy as people think. We've spent so much time practicing at our chapter meetings. The Young Republicans have a lot to learn."
At publishing time, Democrats had also offered Young Republicans the alternative of chanting their messages while burning down Minneapolis.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
