WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold response to the recent shootings in left-leaning cities, Democratic leaders courageously stepped up to demand common-sense prayer control.
Sources disclosed that the Democrat Party has decided to take a stand by calling for common-sense regulations on prayer in order to address the recent spate of transgender, leftist school shooters opening fire on innocents.
"In these difficult times, it's important to reduce perpetrators' motivations to attempt mass murders," said Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey. "That's why I support reasonable prayer restrictions — the only way to stop shooters from targeting little children is to abolish prayers. If you think about it, it's really the victims' fault for aggravating their killer with their thoughts and prayers."
Other Democrats were quick to concur, citing numerous instances in which civilian prayer led directly to violence directed against churches and schools.
"No private citizen should need that much prayer," said Chuck Schumer, a Democrat and Senate minority leader. "We're being perfectly reasonable in calling for restricted access to prayer and additional requirements for anyone who wants to engage in prayer. What's there to discuss?"
At publishing time, Democrats had clarified that the proposed prayer restrictions would not apply to broadcasting the Muslim call to prayer five times a day.
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