WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trying to get to the bottom of how and why President Trump was elected, House Democrats issued a subpoena to the Almighty God to force Him to testify in Congress Wednesday.
While House leadership was quick to clarify that they don't believe in the God of the Bible per se, they said they had to explore "all possible avenues" in their exhaustive search for an answer as to why Trump was put in the White House.
"We're not sure if God is out there or if there's some great positive spiritual energy holding up the cosmos," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. "But whoever he or she or xe is, we will interrogate them. We will not allow God to get off the hook for His collusion in bending all of human history to His irresistible will."
After the Lord, who sits in the heavens and does all He pleases, did not show up at their hearing, Democrats were seen eating KFC to mock Him for being "a chicken" and issued a stern warning.
"These subpoenas are not optional," said Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee Jerry Nadler. "When the Congress of the United States commands you to appear, you appear. I don't care if you are the Lord of all creation. Trump is in the White House, and we will get answers."