DC-Area Pharmacies All Out Of Stimulants
Politics · Mar 8, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Pharmacies in the DC area are reporting a shortage of stimulant drugs following Biden's State of the Union Address last night.

"Yeah, some guys that looked like Secret Service came in here late afternoon and bought up everything we had," said Dr. Fran Boggins, who runs Capitol Drugs near the National Mall. "I told them we couldn't sell that much to one person but he flashed his badge and said it was for 'official government business.' Weird."

Over two dozen other locations in the area reported shortages of Dexedrine, Adderall, Ritalin, and several others. "We're not sure what's driving demand right now," said another pharmacist. "It could be weeks before we're restocked."

At publishing time, all the cocaine dealers in the area had reported similar shortages.


BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:

Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now