NASHVILLE — According to sources, Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing is watching the incoming box office numbers of Am I Racist? very closely, hoping that it makes at least enough money for them to afford a better wig for Matt Walsh.
"Come on, baby, make a bunch of money," said Boreing, his fingers crossed as he willed box office success for the satirical film. "Daddy needs a new wig for Matty."
Am I Racist? stars American author and social justice advocate Robin DiAngelo alongside supporting actor Matt Walsh and explores themes of DEI infiltration into American culture with Walsh disguised as a soy boy. Though reviews have been largely positive among members of the conservative media, critics across both the left and right of the political spectrum agreed that Walsh needed a better wig.
"Look, you have to start somewhere," Matt Walsh said. "Jeremy won't let us buy wigs from people who hate us, so we made this one out of goat hair. I think it came out pretty good, all things considered. But if we make enough money with this movie, we can build our own wig manufacturing facility — a facility that will benefit conservatives everywhere. Then, I can custom design my own wig."
"Maybe a pompadour," he added. "That would be sweet."
At publishing time, Jeremy Boreing was already planning to begin funding the development of Jeremy's Wigs with proceeds from the film.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
