GARDEN CITY, UT — Local dad Dave Myers decided it was finally time to pull his teenage son aside this weekend and have "The Talk" with his son about the reality of rigged elections.
"Son, I need to talk to you about something serious and important. Do you…do you know where Presidents come from?" Myers asked his son Jordan. "Well, when a political party loves their candidate very much and wants to make that candidate the President of the United States, sometimes a near-omnipotent oligarchy with control of the media, entertainment industry, academia, the justice system, and billions of dollars will give the election a ‘special hug.' They close their eyes very tight, let the ballot harvesters do any leftover work that the brainwashing hasn't — and that's how Presidents are born!"
Jordan was seen groaning and covering his face with his hands. "DAAAAAAD. I already know where rigged elections come from. I watch TV, I don't need you to explain it to me, this is awkward."
A committed Dave Myers would not be undeterred. He continued with the explanation he had been practicing for weeks.
"Son, I know it's hard to talk about but look at this graph here. See these unfavorable ratings for Kamala back in March? You've got to stay away from rigged elections, son, or it can follow you for the rest of your life."
As of publishing time, Myers had told his wife he probably needed to also have a talk with their son about where babies come from.
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