NASHVILLE, TN—In a groundbreaking new study, LifeWay Research confirmed Tuesday that there is a “strong connection” between being sanctified to be more and more like Jesus and playing popular battle royale video game Fortnite for at least 14 hours each day.
Data obtained in the study suggested that you should definitely throw your responsibilities and obligations to the wind and just marathon Fortnite like a madman.
“Our study found that ignoring your friends, family, and hygienic needs for long stretches while you snipe lone randos from your perch at Tilted Towers is the very best way to be conformed into the image of God’s Son,” LifeWay researcher Gary Lindell told reporters. “It seems that key aspects of gameplay, such as scavenging for weapons, quickly constructing forts on the fly while under attack, and rushing to avoid the storm all correspond to spiritual disciplines Christians need to develop in order to grow holier.”
“Reading the Bible and praying are still important of course, but we recommend heavy marathon sessions of Fortnite first and foremost,” he added.
Lindell stated that as Christians scour the virtual island for valuable chests, loot, and survival gear, they are subtly called to reflect upon Jesus’s command to seek first the Kingdom of Heaven. Believers who manage to survive into the top 10 are reminded of Paul’s call to endure by finishing the race and keeping the faith. Finally, the study suggested that bunny hopping while scurrying away from well-armed opponents when you have nothing except a Pickaxe helps believers reflect upon the necessity of running the race of the Christian life.
“Frankly, we’re not even sure how Christians managed to get sanctified at all before Fortnite,” a puzzled LifeWay research intern said Tuesday. “Maybe by playing GoldenEye 007 all night at a friend’s house? Who knows.”
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