WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress held a preemptive state funeral honoring Senator Mitch McConnell on Friday, as the Senate sergeant-at-arms had him lie in state, "just in case."
The atmosphere in the nation's capital was somber this week as speakers from both sides of the aisle spoke about McConnell's undying commitment to Democracy, a commitment, they say, won't let him die.
"Might as well get it out of the way now," said Senate Majority Leader John Thune, "We all saw him 'come back to work' this week, but let's be honest... he's just running on fumes here. That's why I was the first to recommend having him lie in state in the rotunda. At least he'll get to enjoy it this way."
McConnell seemed to be at peace with the decision, with witnesses saying he remained perfectly still while staring blankly at the ceiling. "He seemed happy about it," one witness said. "He was smiling the whole time."
When asked to comment on how it felt to be the first person to receive a state funeral prior to death, McConnell said, "....................."
At publishing time, McConnell's staff had announced that he had changed his mind about retirement and would instead be seeking re-election in November.
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