DENVER, CO — What had already been an abysmal start to the 2025 season reached a new low last night, as the struggling Colorado Rockies lost to the Savannah Bananas by a final score of 57-0.
The loss marked a new low for the beleaguered baseball club, which has only won 8 games thus far in the season. Team officials had hoped that playing a game against a non-MLB opponent might help, but the lopsided defeat only made things worse.
"We knew we were having a tough year, but we didn't know it would be this bad," said Rockies centerfielder Brenton Doyle. "We just got crushed by a team with a banana mascot. Think about that. We're all going to go home and rethink our lives after this one. At this point, I think working at a gas station might be better than losing 57-0 to what is basically a traveling comedy and variety show."
The Bananas said they came into the game confident. "We had a feeling we could get some good swings against them," said Savannah outfielder Ty Jackson, who went an astounding 12-12 in the game, with all of them being extra-base hits. "I know they're in the major leagues and all, but we've played against church softball teams that put up more of a fight. Hats off to them, though. They never gave up. At least not until, like, the fourth inning or so."
At publishing time, the Colorado Rockies front office had reportedly made contract offers to the entire Savannah Bananas roster to take the place of all of the club's current players.
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