CALEXICO, CA — Venezuelan drug mule-turned-drug lord Gilberto Juarez turned himself in to U.S. federal law enforcement on Thursday so that President Donald Trump would pardon him instead of blowing him up.
Following reports that Trump issued a full pardon to former Honduran president and drug trafficker Juan Orlando Hernández for seemingly no reason, Juarez reportedly felt turning himself in was his wisest move.
"My client has smuggled 40,000 pounds of fentanyl into the United States and personally murdered dozens of people," said Juarez's attorney, David Lovell. "So we are very confident we can secure a presidential pardon."
Juarez had pled guilty to charges of drug smuggling, murder, racketeering, and attempting to enter the country illegally. According to sources, he hoped to expedite his case so he could be sentenced and subsequently pardoned by the president.
Authorities were initially skeptical of Juarez's motives, believing the president couldn't possibly go easy on a member of a Venezuelan drug cartel, yet it appeared that his plan may soon succeed. According to brief comments made to reporters by Trump, "I'm here to blow up boats and pardon drug dealers, and I'm all out of boats. For now. Because we blew them up."
At publishing time, Juarez had been pardoned and awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his honesty.
Heartwarming!
