YORBA LINDA, CA—Crosspointe Roadse Churche has been reopened for services most of this year. But with the new variant spreading, staffers wanted to make sure their congregation was as protected as possible. So, they've added essential oils to the church's haze machine.
Now, as the sanctuary fills with fog every Sunday morning and Wednesday night, churchgoers will be getting the full experience of the Holy Spirit plus extra protection against germs and viruses.
"Just a touch of eucalyptus and a dab of oregano, and our congregation will be healthier than ever," said Pastor of Emotional Experiences Tad Coulson. "The past year has shown that all the countermeasures the government has tried simply do not work. We are going to worship no matter what the state says. But we're going to do it smart, by fighting this bug with all-natural oils."
"By the way, not sure if I mentioned this, but you can get these oils from my wife's work-from-home business," Tad added as he emptied the rest of the bottle into the fog machine. "She's a multi-gold platinum diamond regional sales representative for four different essential oils companies."
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Tad's wife makes $2.67 a month.