ATLANTA, GA—In a press conference held Thursday, Chick-fil-A representatives promised to become the first fast-food chain in the nation to use 100% born-again chickens in their sandwiches, nuggets, strips, and other chicken food products.
While other restaurants have made vague commitments to using "spiritual but not religious" poultry, only Chick-fil-A has taken the challenge to use 100% regenerate chickens in its recipes.
"Every single one of our ethically raised chickens was given a gospel tract, walked through the sinner's prayer, and then baptized---in piping hot peanut oil," one spokesperson said. "As you consume one of our classic chicken sandwiches with a little Polynesian sauce or some delectable Chick-fil-A sauce, rest secure in the knowledge that the chicken you're eating is in a better place."
The Chick-fil-A rep was quick to warn consumers about the dangers of consuming under-sanctified chicken meat.
"Before you take a bite of that McChicken, ask yourself if it accepted Jesus as its Lord and Savior before it was killed," he added. "Side effects of carnal chicken meat may include indigestion, food poisoning, and an overwhelming desire to sin against God."