BILOXI, MS — "Waah, Whaah," cried a wittle bitty man baby inside The Republic Steakhouse this afternoon after requesting steak sauce for his tiny wittle baby mouth.

"Aw, does wittle baby need someone to chew his steak for him too?" replied waiter John Rogers. "Aww, hush-hush wittle guy. Where's your paci? Let John go get you a warm bottle of milk to go with your steak sauce."

The wait staff reportedly took excellent care of the helpless wittle baby named Chris, bringing him a high chair and a bib. "I'm not sure you're ready for a booster seat, wittle buddy," said manager Thomas Ross as he buckled Chris in. "Okay, the steak has plenty of sauce on it for the wittle bitty baby. Do you need me to help you eat? Open the hangar, here comes the airplane!"

At publishing time, the wittle helpless baby had asked for a to-go box because eight ounces of steak was just too much for his wittle tummy.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.