SACRAMENTO, CA - As more and more states announce bans on critical race theory, California is pushing the other direction, and has just passed a ban on teaching any kind of critical thinking in public schools.

"This dangerous 'critical thinking theory' must be stopped," said Governor Newsom sternly as he signed the ban into law. "It's infecting our kids' minds, making them start to question things like a unilateral lockdown on businesses, forcing people to wear masks forever, and shutting down other businesses while I myself allow my winery to stay open."

"Today represents a great day for the students of California public schools -- no more critical thinking!" Should the ban prove successful, Newsom says, the next step will be to ban thinking altogether.

Luckily for Newsom and California school teachers, studies have shown that critical thinking hasn't really been taught in public schools in the past 50 years in the first place.