U.S. - American businesses are now requiring employees to test positive for COVID before beginning their workday, since catching COVID is now the best way to prove you've been vaccinated.

The new self-imposed mandates come hot on the heels of President Biden threatening to maybe require it among federal employees at some arbitrary point in the future possibly.

Dr. Anthony Fauci has applauded the businesses for the new approach. "You know, since the vaccine has been so perfect, but ineffectual, this will enable people to take advantage of natural immunity as if it were a sort of booster shot. I think the sooner we all get sick the better because it'll really bump up that vaccine efficacy."

"We do still recommend masks, though," he added.

California governor Gavin Newsom has picked up on the new trend and doubled down with a new requirement that all Californians be forcibly infected by a legion of transients. The new program is expected to create millions of jobs.

Should you get your kid the new iPhone 14? Of course.