U.S. — British tourists visiting the United States have reportedly been surprised by the quality of American food, and also the fact there are no violent hordes of rape gangs roaming the countryside.
Several social media posts by English visitors have already gone viral for highlighting the virtues of American cuisine and the distinct lack of rape.
"These cheeseburgers are incredible, and also there aren't all those rapists," noted Englishman Fredrick Hanover. "Americans were totally right about In-n-Out."
The 2026 World Cup, which runs from June 11 to July 19, is co-hosted by Canada, Mexico, and the United States — with the majority of matches taking place in America. The U.S. is playing host in eleven major American cities including Atlanta, Boston, Dallas, Houston, Kansas City, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Philadelphia, San Francisco, and Seattle. As a result, many tourists (and even players) are seemingly becoming radicalized by the American dream of free refills, free water, and — outside of LA or NY — no rape.
According to sources, U.S. Soccer Foundation Founder Alan Rothenberg, who played a key role in bringing the World Cup to the states, convinced FIFA to let America host the event by not raping them.
"FIFA was a little skeptical at first since we keep calling it soccer, but in the end, the lack of rape was a major deciding factor," Rothenberg said. "And everyone loves a big American cheeseburger."
At publishing time, several Englishman had announced they were defecting to the United States.
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