AMBLESIDE, ENGLAND — British authorities have arrested a man calling himself Saint George after he brandished a dangerous bladed weapon at a local dragon, which was merely minding its own business of terrorizing the local populace.
According to reports, the winged, fire-breathing dragon took up residence in Windermere, England's largest lake, and began terrorizing the inhabitants of the nearby town of Ambleside. The dragon poisoned the land and demanded first animal and then human sacrifices to appease its wrath. But when someone calling themselves Saint George took up an arming sword to threaten the foul beast, that is when authorities stepped in to end the dangerous rampage.
"Oi! You got a loicense for that there noyf, mate?" yelled a group of constables led by Police Constable Bobby Smith.
"But, there's a dragon!" replied the blade-wielding Christian knight.
"Now, now, everyone knows you need a license to acquire a butter knife here in the Lake District," PC Smith continued. "A special permit can be acquired at the Ambleside Police Station on Rydal Road. Until you can get your paperwork in order, you're going to have to come with us. AHHHHH — " said PC Smith as he was knocked over and dragged a bit by the evil dragon.
"There's a 30-foot tall dragon going around eating people!" yelled St. George as the contables regrouped.
"No, there isn't. And even if there were, you got to have the proper papers, mate."
"But, I'm Saint George!"
"Who?"
"Saint George! The patron saint of the English peoples and symbol of Christian virtue triumphing over evil. Slaying dragons and saving villages is sort of my job description. Didn't you learn about me in primary school?"
"No, and what you're saying may all very well be, but you're going to have to come with — " said PC Smith before being promptly eaten by the dragon.
The other constables were able to put an end to the dangerous situation caused by the sword-wielding maniac by bringing him in without further incident.
At publishing time, Saint George was seen in his prison cell praying for more brave Christian warriors to save England from the evil dragons.
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