CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — In an attempt to smooth things over, Boeing announced a plan to honor whistleblowers with an extra-special, VIP-only view of an upcoming Boeing Starliner launch.
The company has set up a clearly marked "Super Special Seat For Whistleblowers Only", which is uniquely positioned for an extremely intimate view of the launch, according to Boeing sources who asked to remain anonymous.
"Here at Boeing, we don't hold grudges," said Boeing spokesman Damien Mortis. "In fact, we want to reward those whistleblowers helping to make our products safer. From now on, every single whistleblower will be involuntarily given the opportunity to witness a rocket launch like no one has ever seen before. We promise it will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."
According to sources, the first whistleblower enjoyed an incredible view of the recent Starliner rocket launch. "His face literally melted off from the excitement," said Mortis. "The whole time preparing for launch, he just kept screaming in anticipation. We hope this sets an example to encourage anyone else who has damning information about our company to go ahead and come forward."
At publishing time, the whistleblower who had enjoyed the first ride on Starliner had still not been reached for comment.
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