Do you remember that "Joe Biden" guy from a while back that everyone was talking about? The one who always mumbled funny words and said kind of racist stuff, but he was so old that everyone just sort of let it go? It's like he just completely disappeared. One day he was famous, always in the news, and then the next -- poof!
Well, we at the Babylon Bee decided to try to track down Joe to see what on earth happened to him. As it turns out, he's not so easy to catch up with. Biden has an address listed in Washington D.C., but when we stopped by, people at the home said Joe was almost never there. While a few people reported Joe had died, others told us to try combing the beaches of Delaware, or perhaps calling around to local ice cream shops.
After days of calls, we got a report of an elderly man wearing aviators who could not lift his feet off the ground spotted near Rehoboth Beach. We knew it had to be Joe! After a day of questioning locals, we finally spotted our man asleep under an umbrella. In fact, it was a good thing we caught up with Joe when we did! With the tide coming in, his beach chair was literally a couple minutes from being swept out to sea.
Incredibly, Joe has opened his own Tiki Bar on Rehoboth Beach, which he calls the "Jack Shack." Joe said his sudden disappearance from the public eye was his own decision, but curiously offered that if he said any more, he would be killed. Joe seemed happier than we remembered him, clutching a brand new red hat that seemed to be his prized possession. He looked good.
While the details of his fall from fame remain a mystery, if you ever want to see ol' Joe, head out to the beaches of Delaware and look for the man shuffling around the "Jack Shack," smiling in his red hat.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
