Biden To Tear Down Wall, Replace With More Compassionate 'Rigid Vertical Border Monument'
Politics · Apr 6, 2021 ·

EL PASO, TX - Fulfilling a campaign promise to get rid of Trump's racist and xenophobic border wall, President Biden announced today he will be replacing the wall with a brand-new, more compassionate "Rigid Vertical Border Monument." 

The new monument will be identical to Trump's wall in design and function except that it will be built in honor of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, as an eternal testament to the Biden Administration's commitment to racial justice. 

"Listen, folks, we need to have some kind of barrier to make sure all that wonderful cheap labor can come through the proper channels," said Biden to his dog Major. "Our border monument will be way more compassionate than a regular wall since Democrats are building it!" Biden then tried to take a big sniff of his dog's hair, causing Major to snap at him again. 

According to sources, the new border monument will have uplifting slogans and paintings of Obama on it. Speakers fixed to the top of the monument will loudly play recordings of Kamala Harris's laugh to deter coyotes.

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now