WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a balloon-bedazzled spectacle on the front steps of the White House, unifying and decent President Biden reiterated that the giant, oversized check from Burisma that he held in his hands was right-wing misinformation.
"The absurd notion that there's overwhelming evidence I took bribes from Burisma for political favors is Ultra MAGA malarky," said Biden as a grinning Ed McMahon lookalike shook the president's hand for a photo op and a marching band bellowed For He's A Jolly Good Fellow. "Why, I've never even heard of Burisma or Ukraine or mothballs or oatmeal."
When asked by a journalist about his son Hunter's WhatsApp conversation that seemed to place Biden in the room as Hunter demanded bribe money, the wily politician quickly changed the subject by asking the journalist if he had any delicious little children.
Biden added that there wasn't a sliver of evidence that the skywriting plane above the White House had just written, "HEY JOE DID YOU GET THE GIANT BRIBERY CHECK FROM US YET?"
At publishing time, President Biden had left the spectacular non-bribery event to pay a visit to his youngest granddaughter, Burisma Biden.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
