PHILADELPHIA, PA—During a campaign speech Tuesday, Joe Biden proudly declared that while Republicans have at least some standards, Democrats are going above and beyond with their "double standards."
Biden pointed out that by having two sets of standards, Democrats are leading the race for having the most sets of standards.
"That's two times as many standards," he said proudly. "Double is a lot more than single. Anyone who's ever watched a baseball game knows that."
"Isn't that right, sweetie?" he said to a young girl in the front row of the crowd, asking her to come up and stand on the stage while he put his hands on her shoulders for the duration of the speech.
The presidential candidate then went on to slam Trump for his treatment of women, confident in the knowledge that no one in the Democratic Party would dare call him out for being a hypocritical little creep.
Not to be outdone, Trump quickly took to Twitter to announce that the Republican Party would shortly be debuting its brand new triple standards.