U.S. — Despite hopes to the contrary, recent news reports reveal A.I. still hasn't replaced your job, so sadly, you still have to go to work this week.
"Contrary to what you may have been hoping for, your job still exists and hasn't been taken over by artificial intelligence… yet," job expert Dan Gillrie announced. "You still have to go to work for the foreseeable future, and there's a good chance no robot will ever want to do whatever it is you do anyway."
Experts believe that even though you were anticipating a Monday free from the constraints and the drudgery of work, artificial intelligence hasn't gotten around to replacing you yet, so you have to log in and get cracking.
"Go to work, you bum," Gillrie said. "A.I. isn't going ot replace you anytime soon, so you'd better attend that 8 A.M. staff meeting or Karla in HR is going to notice you were missing and send your boss one of those fun little notes again. Take solace in the fact that your job is secure for the time being until the robots roll in to replace you or figure out a way to make your entire occupation obsolete. Until then, you're on the clock!"
At publishing time, you were also disappointed to see that A.I. hadn't replaced the guy two desks down from you who microwaves fish stew in the breakroom.
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