DEATH VALLEY, CA — Baal, the ancient Mesopotamian deity described in scripture and demonological textbooks such as Pseudomonarchia Daemonum has distanced itself from Balenciaga after the company's recent scandal.
"I can't be associated with this stuff," said the bull-headed demon to reporters. "I have never been associated with Balenciaga or any of their designers or leadership, and I disavow the photographers and designers who created this sick imagery. I will not be taking questions at this time."
"They're making me look really bad here," he added.
Baal is the latest of many entities that have sought to disassociate from the beleaguered fashion brand. Lucifer, Beelzebub, Sathanas, Abadon, Mammon, Belphegor, and Asmodeus, the demons of pride, gluttony, wrath, sloth, greed, envy, and lust have each distanced themselves from Balenciaga.
Several fashion experts, however, criticized Baal's move to distance itself from Balenciaga. "We in the fashion industry have served Baal faithfully for years. He doesn't get to back out of this now!" said fashion director Patrick Picard. "Baal! Hear us, Baal!"
At publishing time, Baal had also attempted to distance himself from the Biden administration.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
